SHUT UP SHUT UP SHUT UP. I don’t want to hear about the season finale of Breaking Bad. I haven’t watched a single episode, and, if I play my cards right, I can hang onto that blissful ignorance another two-three years until I finally, deliciously, settle down to watch the entire however-many-seasons-there-are-by-then on MY OWN time. Hey, it worked with “Scrubs” and “Homeland”!

Who am I kidding. It worked with “Cheers” and “Friends” and “West Wing” too.

My husband and I never watch ANYTHING in season. Where most people treat TV shows like fresh fruit, we treat them like fine wine.
“Pop the cork on this 2006 episode, hon?”
“No, sweetie, I think it needs a couple-few more months…”

Until last week, that is, when I came home to find him watching a “Breaking Bad Marathon.” My retired husband uses TV to jump-start his post-workout nap, but in this case it wasn’t working. He was riveted.

Me: What are you DOING?

Him: Shh. They’re catching me up on the whole previous season so I can be ready for the Season Finale.

Me: How could you? What about our lives together? What about our ancient, unspoken pact always to be out of step, together, with the rest of American society? Oh. Guess I’ll go for my run now…

I think I shamed him. I’m pretty sure he didn’t watch that Season Finale, which means we can still enjoy it, together, in our old(er) age. But only if y’all keep your mouths shut.

On the other hand–forget it. You’d have to talk so long to catch me up on the plot that you’d probably get a sore throat and quit before you gave anything away.

So, are my husband and I the only idiots people who do this? Anyone else live their lives via rerun? How’s that workin’ for ya?