Reduce, Reuse, Recycle…on the Catwalk

Posted on August 29, 2013 by gretchenwing

High Fashion made a grand entrance to Lopez Island last week, and got dumped.

Literally. The Second Annual Trashion-Fashion event is a fundraiser for our beloved Dump, and all outfits must be made from materials gleaned either there or at the Thrift Shop. And boy, were they ever.

I didn’t get to go last year, but I had seen some of the winning entries displayed at our library, so I couldn’t wait. And I was NOT disappointed. I knew we had some amazingly creative folks around here, but this blew me away.

The decor alone, featuring chandeliers of found objects, was jaw-dropping. Here’s a taste:

Bike tire rims, lamp shades, neckties…you name it, they chandeliered ’em. (All photos courtesy Anne Whirledge-Karp)

As for the outfits…I think I’ll give the ol’ adjectives a rest and let the visuals do the work for once:

Ever wonder what to do with that old Twister game in your closet?

Isn’t she ADORABLE? Those are CDs on her head. She could belly-dance, too. Definitely a prize-winner.

Not even a broken leg could keep Sheila off the catwalk. She ditched the wheelchair and used crutches to model her bead-curtain Cleopatra ensemble.

Isn’t this outfit the last straw? Seriously, she must have used every last straw in the dump. It’s ALL straws!

A grand prize winner…made of deer fencing! Not too comfy, but Maria wore the hell out of that dress.

…and a lil’ something for the ladies too!

I wish I could say these designers and models inspired me to make my own outfits out of castaway stuff, but the closest I’ve ever come to that kind of creativity is sewing old Levi’s pockets onto the back of my green jeans for patches. Sigh. At next year’s Trashion-Fashion event, I will be happily occupying my rightful place in the audience once more.

But I’ll bet I have some creative readers out there. What’s the coolest item you’ve ever re-purposed? Brag a little!

(And thanks again to my friend Anne Whirledge-Karp for all the great photos. Next year I’ll bring MY camera!)

Sure, I Have a Website…Just a Sec…

Posted on August 26, 2013 by gretchenwing

Last week I launched my nation-wide radio career.

Well, that may be a TEENSY bit of overstatement. But I did do a radio interview with a lovely man named Mark Judkins Helpsmeet, who produces a show out of Eau Claire, Wisconsin, called Song of the Soul. http://www.northernspiritradio.org/ He played a half-dozen of my songs, asking me about each one, and about my journey as a songwriter. A journey that is just beginning, I might add, as in–18 months, give or take. An unplanned, and so far, mostly unguided journey, with no particular destination in mind. Especially not national exposure.

Which may explain why, when Mark asked me if I had a website, I choked.

First I said, “No.” Then I quickly amended with, “I mean, yeah, I do…I mean it’s not a songwriting website or anything, but I do have a blog…I mean, I’m a writer, that’s my real career now, so, yeah…” Then I blurted out the URL.

Mark (kindly): Ah, are you sure that’s correct? URL’s don’t usually have @ in them.

Me (not at all flustered, on national radio): Oh. Yeah. Right. I mixed it up with my email. My website is…just a sec…

When I told this anecdote to a friend later, she asked me, “So if you’re starting to get attention as a songwriter, why DON’T you use that to promote your writing career?”

Ummm…because I’m ~~new to the whole idea of self-promotion and still finding my way in the dark~~ an idiot?

So now I’m thinking: Yeah, why DON’T I? The whole singing-songwriting thing is beginning to generate a life of its own. I’m putting myself out there on the stage, relying on a decent voice and a darn good writing style (I’m certainly not relying on my guitar skills!), so why NOT put myself out there in cyberspace as well? Let’s see what happens, shall we?

So, to begin: here are two clips from a recent community concert on Shaw Island, the next ferry stop over. I didn’t realize, when I accepted the invitation to participate, just how GOOD the other musicians were, and I had the interesting luck of following a FOURTEEN YEAR-OLD future phenom onstage–which explains the intro of this first song. My friend Bruce got totally jostled while trying to record me, so if you can’t handle the jumpy camera, just close your eyes and listen, ok? It’s a good song.

The second song’s intro got cut off, but I have to sneak it in here ’cause I’m proud of it. I said, “I wanted to write a good ol’-fashioned My-baby-left-me song, but my baby never has left me, so I had to use my imagination.” 🙂

So, hey. Whether you listened to the songs or not (how’m I gonna know? It’s not like I count YouTube hits or anything), I’d like to hear from you. Why is self-promotion so hard? Is it harder for women, do you think? Does it get easier? Or maybe it should never get too easy? Let me hear!

Invasion of the Sk8terbois, Part II

Posted on August 23, 2013 by gretchenwing

In the end, we all agreed the skaters were pretty cool.

Yes, my friend Ron, who owns the 40-acre field where “Camp Skatelite” set up to house a possible thousand skaters and BMXers, said they woke him up at midnight with loud music. But he wasn’t bothered by it. “They were just having fun,” he told me.

And in our little village, this is what we were treated to:

(all photos courtesy Anne Whirledge-Karp)

DANG.

He actually landed this.

I didn’t get to see much–I had to work. BUT, when all the professional skaters and BMXers and all the amateur-but-still-amazing boys (yup, all boys! come on, gals, where were ya?) took off on Sunday, this is what the Skatelite company left behind as a permanent gift for our island kids:

Pretty sweet, huh?

2-5,000 people? More like a thousand. No one got seriously hurt. All-night partying? Yeah,the Seniors whose housing abuts the half-pipe venue lost some hours of sleep most likely, but they’ll recover. Some local businesses did well–the soda fountain–and some, like my bakery, not so much. (This crowd seemed to prefer tacos to croissants, although they did snarf up all the peanut butter cookies. Go figure.) But most Lopezians I talked to seemed to enjoy the exposure to this chunk of mainland culture.

Any lessons learned here? Only the obvious ones: people are people. Don’t sweat the small stuff. It takes all kinds.
Sometimes cliches are cliches for a reason.

Which brings me to my question: what super-obvious but super-true cliche do you find rolling off your tongue on a regular basis? I love knowing what good ol’ phrases sustain people, so let me hear.

Invasion of the Sk8terbois

Posted on August 17, 2013 by gretchenwing

My lil’ island is about to have its population doubled this weekend, and the newcomers are going to halve our average age and double our clothing-per-capita yardage. They’re skaters.

First of all, you can’t even see the rocky coastline from the skatepark…well, maybe the guy doing the 360 can. (courtesy bmx.transworld.net)

More specifically, they are professional skateboarders and BMXers, and an estimated 2,000 of their fans, coming tomorrow to “The Retreat at Lopez Island.” You know what? I’ll let the Skatelite Retreat website tell you:

More than 15 of the world’s top skate and BMX athletes will escape the mainland on August 17 and converge on Lopez Island in Washington State’s San Juan Islands to relax after the X Games, session on their own terms and hang with the locals. It’s called The Retreat presented by Skatelite®, the world’s premier manufacturer of skate ramp surface materials made in good ol’ Tacoma, USA. The Retreat is a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to skate, ride and party with the best when they’re off the clock in one of North America’s most spectacular and relaxed landscapes.

As a former English teacher, I can’t help zeroing in on some of those verbs: “converge on?” “Hang with?” “Party?”

Ummm…has anyone told these folks that Lopez has only one restaurant & bar that’s open till midnight? Or that most of us consider a good, brisk walk with our dog to be a full day’s excitement?

Sorry, sorry, sorry. I should have started with the good news. That is the fact that the owner of Skatelite and Richlite, a wonderful man from my wonderful former town of Tacoma (no, I am NOT being ironic, thank you very much, I LOVE Tacoma), is donating an entire, brand-new skate park to Lopez Island. He’s been coming here every summer since he was a child, and he wanted to give something to our community. Skateparks are what he does, so skateparks are what he gives. It will be wonderful for Lopez kids to have something to do here during their free time other than marvel at the scenery. (Did I say wonderful enough?)

I love philanthropy. I thank our donor. His heart is in the right place.

But, speaking as one of the “locals” with whom the skaters and their entourages are coming to “hang with,” I’m a little nervous.

That top area, above the building? That's where the park's going. (courtesy bmxworld.net)

That top area, above the building? That’s where the park’s going. (courtesy bmx.transworld.net)

Here’s the pitch, again from the Skatelite Retreat website, about the tent city they’re setting up for all the skateboard fans:

Nothing beats camping in the San Juan Islands unless you’re camping at Camp Skatelite. We have reserved a 10 acre field of dreams for tent campers to create their own festive environment beyond the confines of The Retreat activities. Make a reservation. Bring all of your gear and get ready to party or sleep soundly in your own corner of the makeshift campsite. Bring your own food, beverages and entertainment for the off hours. Groceries are available on the island if you don’t want to pack it all in. Enjoy the luxuries of port-a-potties, water, and some food options on site coordinated by Skatelite. And don’t be surprised if one of your favorite pros shows up to hang out.

Interestingly, Camp Skatelite’s “field of dreams” surrounds the 100 year-old farmhouse where Lopez’s small community of Quakers meets every Sunday morning for an hour of silence. I’ll be curious to see what kind of music might be competing with our silence this weekend, or if the skater-fans’ “off-hours entertainment” has ’em still snoozing at 10 a.m.

I’m not a skater-hater. I have respect for any athlete, and I’m a pretty rabid sports fan myself, so I get that too. I just have my fingers crossed that this mainland, teen-marketing-driven approach doesn’t spill over in any damaging way. If we all lose a little sleep due to music this weekend, we’ll live. If the local restaurants, including my bakery, end up losing money because the skater-fans all bring their own food–oh well.

But if I see someone BMXing out on the rocks where endangered orchids grow, look out. Someone’s getting a good talking to.

I’ll get back to y’all on how this all works out. But meanwhile, any predictions? Should I just lighten up? Will a splendid time be had by all? After this weekend, do you think I might be struck with the desire to learn to skateboard?

World of Warcraft With a Side of Butter

Posted on August 11, 2013 by gretchenwing

Those of you who know me, in real life and/or through this blog, know that I’m ~~a complete fossil~~ not the most current in areas of popular culture. So you might be surprised to learn that I now know ~~all there is to know~~…~~a ton~~…~~quite a bit~~…something about World of Warcraft.

“Yup, Gretchen’s in my Guild. Why’s that so hard to believe?” (orig. image courtesy ivy.com)

Why this sudden interest in something I’ve previously only made fun of, in a baffled, old-fogey way? It’s all because of my sleep schedule.

Tuesday night I stayed up till midnight, first playing in a community concert on another island, then riding the late ferry home. Wednesday morning I got up at 4 a.m. to bake.

So: 4 hours’ sleep. At my age, not too many brain cells are ready for minimal function with that kind of rest, let alone following recipes. I had to do SOMETHING to keep myself alert.

So I asked my colleague Ty to explain World of Warcraft to me.

Now you might think this would cause either a) a spontaneous nap, since I couldn’t relate to anything he was telling me, or b) disastrous distraction from my baking, resulting in salty brioches or eggless muffins. But, to my amazement, and probably to Ty’s, a third result occurred: focused fascination.

Every time Ty would answer one of my questions, two new ones would pop up, Sorcerer’s-Apprentice-broom style. Example #1:

ME: So…When you join a Guild, you sort of protect each other?
TY: Yeah, there’s usually someone whose job it is to take the Damage, and someone else to Heal, while…blah blah blah (you don’t think I actually remember this stuff, do you??)

ME: Do you have to agree on those roles in advance? And what if someone says they’re on your team but it’s really just a trap so they can attack you?

Example #2:

ME: So you can choose to be, like, a good guy or a member of the Horde?

TY: Yeah. Kinda depends on how aggressive you like to be…

ME: But even if you’re a troll or an orc or something, you can still be a hero, right? You still have a back story and a conflict and a quest to fulfill just like any other character, right? Wow, this sure turns the fictional model of monolithic antagonist on its head! (yeah, you’re right, I didn’t really say it like that. But that’s what I was thinking, or at least what I started thinking about later once my entire brain got out of bed.)

My point is, it was INTERESTING. The morning flew by. My brioches and muffins came out fine. And my brain has been darting around these questions ever since–questions like:

how much internal conflict is necessary to create a well-rounded character? Can your WOW avatar just act and react without you needing to know why s/he acts that way?
what does your choice of avatar say about your hopes & dreams & general psychological makeup, including your willingness to put that out there for others to wonder about?
if antagonists are the heroes of their own stories, does that fundamentally change the nature of an antagonist?

“I’m SO conflicted!” (orig. image courtesy chromeposter.com)

So, lesson learned: asking about popular culture can be at least as fun as plain old getting involved in it. Try being a cultural anthropologist sometime in something you’re a complete moron about–True Blood? manga? dim sum?–and see how much fun you have.

In fact, why don’t you tell me: if there was one bit of pop culture you could get someone to explain to you, what would it be? What–or whom–would you ask?

Promotion? Careful What You Wish For…

Posted on August 7, 2013 by gretchenwing

I’m a head baker now.

No, this does not mean I bake heads. (Although if you prepped ’em for me just right, I would pop ’em in my oven & make sure the eyelids came out nice & crispy.)

Need I say more?

Here’s what the Assistant Baker does at Holly B’s Bakery (where “Holly’s Buns Are Best”):

–takes dough made during the previous shift and fills, rolls, and/or twists it into cinnamon rolls, butterhorns, brioches & rugelach

–scoops or chops and presses cookie dough into flat rounds

–makes macaroons and chocolate chip cookies from scratch (these doughs don’t keep as well, plus our fridge isn’t that big)

–assembles & cuts out scones & biscuits with pre-made dry mixes

–makes brownies & bars….

…and puts all of the above on racks for the Head Baker to decide when to bake.

“You WILL be the most delicious croissants ever. Resistance is futile.”

Here’s what the Head Baker does:

–makes bread doughs & sets them up to rise

–rolls out, fills & assembles danish and about a zillion different kinds of croissants, working FAST so the cold dough doesn’t get sticky and refuse to roll

–shapes, rises and bakes all bread loaves, including our filled baguettes (can you say carmelized onion and brie? Mais oui!)

–bakes everything the Assistant Baker puts on the racks, keeping in mind a) how long each item might need to rise; b) how long each item might use up oven space; c) how hot said oven needs to be for said item; and d) when each item is needed up front.

Here’s what an Assistant Baker Worries About:

Am I making this right?

Here’s what a Head Baker Worries About:

Am I making this right? Am I rising anything so long it flattens? Are my ovens hot enough or too hot? Am I burning anything, or underbaking it so it falls apart when de-panned? Am I missing any special orders that need to be picked up by, God help us all, 7 am? Am I noticing whether we’re running out of any ingredients that the next shift will need? Am I paying attention to my Assistant Baker’s work in case, God help us all, she’s as much a rookie as I am?

You get the idea.

Friends from my former life, who knew I walked away from 20 years of teaching high school into a blessedly, no, miraculously stress-free life of writing and assistant baking, are now a little baffled. “You want more stress in your life…why, exactly?”

Here’s all I can tell them, all I can tell myself: After three years on the JV, I wanted to join the Varsity.

Yep, it’s more stressful. I’m already starting to dream about those little oven timers going off like panicked baby ducks. (For the record, I still dream about trying to teach out-of-control classrooms too; guess that stays with a teacher for life!)

But it is WORTH it. If I was proud of my work before, now, as a HEAD BAKER, when I see those racks of bread that I BROUGHT INTO THIS WORLD FROM RAW INGREDIENTS AND DID NOT BURN, I want to grab the nearest customer and yell, “Hey! Aren’t they gorgeous? I MADE those! Eat them! Bow down to me!”

Of course, it’s only been a week. I’ll get back to you on the stress thing.

How about you? Ever felt like you’ve bitten off more than you could chew, workwise? Ever decided it was worth it anyway? Tell me your story. You know I’ll relate.

Trash Talk: Portlandia’s Not So Far Off

Posted on July 30, 2013 by gretchenwing

If you’ve read more than a couple of my posts, you know by now that I’m not the world’s most up-to-date, culturally hip blogger. So it should come as no surprise that I only this past week watched my first episode (recorded, of course) of “Portlandia,” which has been on…well, don’t ask me, but I’m pretty sure it’s been all year by now.

It made my adopted Northwestern self laugh. Especially this episode about recycling:

I KNOW, right? Especially that part about recycling leftover lotion!

Thing is, I was laughing with recognition. Because our little island voted last year to become an independent sanitation entity, taxing ourselves. So we can be as PICKY as we want to in our recycling. And we want to be very, very picky. Here are some examples from our dump:

Not just “plastic”…but Plastic With Necks!

See what I mean? PICKY. I love it.

There’s a special section just for gardeners and farmers.

Special attention is paid to oil and such waste at our dump.

Best of all is our Take It Or Leave It. Definition? Just what it sounds like. But ours is SUPER organized. Here’s what I mean:

We call it Neil’s Mall–named after the guy who runs it, originally as a volunteer.

“Towels? Aisle 3.”

SOMEBODY will find a use for this stuff. But you can’t have the cabinet.

Thing is, it’s fun to laugh at the Sanitation Twins. But there’s a reason “Portlandia” has been singled out to be mocked for its earnest do-goodiness. Here in the Northwest, some of us really ARE that way. And no apologies!

How about you? Do you think recycling to this level of detail is silly? Does your town’s recycling plan make you crazy, or do you love it? Talk trash to me!!

Girlfriend Getaways? You Ain’t Seen Nothin’ Yet

Posted on July 26, 2013 by gretchenwing

So I emailed my guitar teacher last week to cancel the week’s lesson. “Heading to Massachusetts,” I told him.”It’s time for my annual get-together with my three best friends from high school.”

His response: “Oooh. Girls gone wild!”

Weeellll….not exACTLY. But he did get me thinking about how we could spice up what is otherwise, typically, four days of lying around, cooking, sharing book and movie titles and going on sedate hikes or paddle trips.

Girlfriend Getaway Idea #1: The Colonoscogetaway.

I know, I know–nobody’s idea of fun, but bear with me here. Without divulging our ages, I can safely say that my 3 besties and I add up to more than a 200 year-old when we get together. So we’re all due for one of those…procedures. Why not increase the pleasure factor up to not-quite-negative numbers by doing it with some buddies? We could line up our clinic beds real close, watch each other’s scope screens, have a contest to see who gets done fastest…I better quit before the disgusting puns start.

“Hey, this ain’t so bad with you guys here!” (courtesy Pinterest

Girlfriend Getaway Idea #2: Colonoscogetaway Deluxe.

Same as #1, but with a simultaneous mani-pedi. Hey, if you’re just lying there…

Girlfriend Getaway Idea #3: Colonoscogetaway Deluxe Deluxe.

How about a facial while we’re at it?

Girlfriend Getaway Idea #4: OK-Enough-With-the-Colon-Thing, Musical Wine & Chocolate-Tasting.

Book of Mormon + Pinot Grigio + Sea-Salt 82% Cacao = !!!!!

(Courtesy Lynne Kelly Author, WANA commons)

(Courtesy Lynn Kelley Author, WANA commons)

Girlfriend Getaway Idea #5: Cooking Class & Male Stripper

“Then, you pinch the dumpling tightly so it won’t leak, and…OH yeah. OH my. Talk about pinching dumplings…!”

Girlfriend Getaway Idea #6: Book Study & Bike Trip

For the hardier, brainier gals…”SO… WHEN GATSBY SAYS THAT THING ABOUT OF COURSE YOU CAN CHANGE THE PAST…”

“WHAT? HOLD ON, LEMME CATCH UP TO YOU.”

“ARE WE STILL TALKING ABOUT CHAPTER FIVE? I CAN’T HEAR YOU GUYS.”

“THE GREEN LIGHT’S SYMBOLIC, RIGHT?”

“WE ALREADY TALKED ABOUT THE GREEN LIGHT.”
“OH, GREEN? LET’S GO THEN…”

“NO, NO, IT’S RED, DON’T GO–LOOKOUT!!!!!!” [crash]

OK, maybe forget about that one.

(Courtesy Lisa Hall-Wilson, WANAcommons)

How about you guys? Want to share some fun girlfriend getaway ideas, real or unreal? What’s worked for you? What hasn’t? What would you like to try?

Tattoo You: I Ink, Therefore…?

Posted on July 23, 2013 by gretchenwing

Butterhorn spoken here!

I could be the mom of most of the people I work with now. A young mom [even a hot young mom, she thinks hopefully], but still. I got a good 18 years on all but two of ’em.

So I pride myself on being able to converse freely with them about most topics. Music? Hey, I’m down. I love Mumford & Son, and don’t even flinch at Macklemore lyrics. Politics? I get ’em from The Daily Show and Colbert like most 20-somethings. And of course since we’re all working at a bakery, we share the universal language of FOOD.

But recently ~~these whippersnappers~~ my colleagues have begun discussing tattoos. One of ’em’s about to get one–a barn owl, if you’re interested–and everyone else is chiming in. And I’m hopelessly out of it.

It’s not that I wouldn’t consider getting a tattoo. I would…if someone very close to me died suddenly, and I thought s/he would appreciate that kind of remembrance. Or if I had a radical mastectomy and wanted to beautify my chest. Other than that…not feelin’ the tattoos so much.

I’m also not anti-tattoo. I’ve seen some beautiful ones, and I understand, with my rational brain, why some people want one. But I have to admit, this wholesale dive by so MANY people into an inky, painful, expensive sea leaves me a little baffled.

Doubtless there’s a story behind this… (courtesy cellar_door_films, WANA Creative Commons)

Is it generational? I’d love to hear from some representatives of different age groups how they feel about tattoos. Personal, private remembrances only? Body-as-canvas? I wish I could take a survey, but this will have to do. Tell me how you feel about tattoos, and why.

At Least We All Speak Yoda…

Posted on July 20, 2013 by gretchenwing

The comedian George Carlin, bless his soul, used to have a wonderful spiel about freeway drivers.

Paraphrasing: “Anyone who goes faster than me–what a maniac! Anyway who goes slower–what a moron.”

I’m totally stealing that for today’s discussion about cultural literacy.

I live on an island, ok? So I am not only isolated from popular culture, I am LITERALLY INSULATED. (Insula = island in Latin. Yup.) Here on my little isle, we call trips to the mainland “going to America.” I’ve already found myself resisting such trips.

And I’ve only lived here full-time for three years!

Along with my new home, I have a new job that has almost nothing to do with teenagers–unlike the last 20 years of teaching, where I was ~~marinated in~~ surrounded by them. So you can see how I’ve begun to lose just a teensy bit of my once-awesome cultural literacy.

Recently my blog ~~guru~~ teacher, Kristen Lamb, posted this wonderful bit on her blog: http://warriorwriters.wordpress.com/2013/07/18/what-sharknado-can-teach-us-about-writing/

It’s a great post, as you now know since you read it. But when I did, the whole time I was thinking, “Sharknado??? Oh man, where have I been?”

And here I thought I was all hip because I kinda/sorta know who the Kardashians are.

Anyone else out there feel like the world of what-you-have-to-know-about-to-avoid- being-a-fossil is expanding at light speed?

Then a local (meaning island) friend of mine (who’s not all that much older) rescued me from my self-pity pit. Responding to an email I’d sent, he asked, “Yeah, what does [colon + parenthesis] mean, anyway? My niece writes that all the time.”

🙂 🙂 :)!!!! Hurray–someone less literate than I am! I got to teach him all about emoticons. And no, I did not call him a moron–any more than I’d call Kristen Lamb a maniac. 🙂

I told my friend I’d try not to sound too smug when telling this story. Then I quoted Yoda’s dictum: “Do or do not. There is no try.” Then I asked him if he knew who Yoda was.

He did. Definitely not a moron! But probably still wondering, as I am, how insulated fossils like us are possibly going to keep up. Maybe I’ll assign myself an hour of YouTube a day.

So how about y’all? What examples have you run into of folks who are hopelessly ~~moronic~~ less hip than you are? Or your own lack of hipness? Or are you the maniac on the highway of cultural literacy? Let us hear!