Thanks, Jon Stewart, For Helping Me Raise My Children

Posted on August 8, 2015 by gretchenwing

“Bullshit is everywhere.” Those were the opening words of Jon Stewart’s final homily on his final show, and they pretty much sum up why my Mate and I feel such gratitude for the man.

Jon got us through the early years of the Iraq War. The collapse of the economy. The rise of Fox. You know–bullshit.

“There is very little in life that you will encounter that has not already been infused, in some way, with bullshit.”

In good anchorman fashion, Jon proceeded to break bullshit down into categories, beginning with the most innocuous:

Organic, free-range bullshit: “Oh, what a beautiful baby!” Important for preserving the social contract.

More pernicious:

2. Premeditated, institutional bullshit, designed to obscure and distract: “Whenever something’s been titled ‘Freedom/Family/Fairness/Health/America,’ take a good long sniff. Chances are it’s been manufactured in a facility that may contain traces of bullshit.”

Jon goes on to subdivide institutional bullshit into three other categories…but I’ll let you listen to him tell it:

When our boys were middle-school aged, the Mate and I used to turn The Daily Show up loud when it came on (oh, how I’m gonna miss that annoyingly repetitive theme music!) and call, “Hey, boys–time for Social Studies!”

Jon loved America so much he aggressively went after the most America-lovin’ of hypocrites. He looked where institutional bullshitters of all stripes didn’t want him to look, and he spoke up. He made us laugh, but in his best moments, like after the shooting in Charleston, he made us resolve to stand up to bullshit. Can you think of a better social studies teacher?

What will you miss, or not miss, about Jon Stewart? Go ahead and share. Listening to your thoughts will ease my withdrawal pains.

Trip Envy: When This Little Spousie Stays Home

Posted on August 4, 2015 by gretchenwing

My Mate is leaving me, and I’m beside myself…

…with envy. Because he’s not LEAVING leaving; he’s going on a buddy camping trip with an old friend and his son. Guys only. Well, I’m sure I could get myself invited if I made big enough puppy eyes (or threatened to withhold pie). But they’re going for a week. And it’s high season here on ~~Crawling With Tourists~~ Lopez Island. I have to stay and bake.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m so happy for the guy. He doesn’t get out as often as I do, being retired, nor is he half as social as I am. I get together with my high school Besties every summer. He and his pal have done this only once before. It’s great to watch them piling up the backpacks, stove fuel and water filters. Great to hear all that discussion about what’s going into the gorp, and how many nights in a row they should eat noodles. Just…great.

I’ll be fine once they’re gone. But seeing that map of British Columbia, hearing them bandy phrases like “towering peaks,” “turquoise lakes” and “giant cedars” is making me a little crazy.

I love where I live. ~~THAT LOOKS SO BEAUTIFUL!!!~~ I love my daily life. ~~TAKE ME WITH YOU!!!!~~ I love my job. ~~PLEASE..~~. Would you like another slice of pie before you head off on your adventure?

If you have a partner in your life, do you ever take separate pleasure trips? If so, how do you deal with Trip Envy? Just, you know…wondering.

Life of Pie: Crusty Author Gives Flaky Secrets

Posted on July 31, 2015 by gretchenwing

After another summertime spate of folks commenting on being daunted at the thought of homemade pie crust, I’ve decided I need to run this post again, first written two years ago. It still applies. If you are a piecrust-dauntee, prepare to feel empowered. Make your pie, then write in and let me know how it went. You’re welcome.

Wing's World

Fill in the blank: “It’s as American as apple _________.”

Not cupcakes. Not tarts. Not even empanadas. PIE, damnit. As far as I’m concerned, pie is IT and always will be.

I’m a pie girl from way back. My family had an apple tree that bore gazillion apples every September. Not too great for eating, but nice and tart, perfect for–no, not tarts!! PIE. I made two pies every day for as long as those apples kept coming, one for our dinner and one for the freezer.

I got pretty good at pie.

Over the years, I’ve noticed an interesting phenomenon: people are afraid of pie crust. They tell me horror stories of bad pie-crust trips that scarred them for life and sent them running, thereafter, for the frozen-food section to buy nice, safe flaky ones made by a machine. Or they gave up completely and just bought the whole…

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Why My Heart Goes Out to Black Parents: Sandra Bland’s No-Win Tragedy

Posted on July 27, 2015 by gretchenwing

You’re the parent of a Black child in a country whose racist legacy continues to bleed. You tell your kid, “If you’re stopped by a white cop, be respectful. Don’t look for trouble. But don’t you let the man turn back the clock of history on you. Be proud of who you are.”

I’m White, so what do I know? But that’s the message I think I would give my Black son or daughter if I had one. I think that must have been the message Sandra Bland’s folks gave her as she grew up. Maybe she had it in mind as she moved near Houston, Texas to start her new job. And this is the result: dragged out of her car, pushed to the ground and arrested. With bail set at $5,000. The original charge? Failure to signal. After three days in a Waller County jail, Sandra is found hanged.

I have no opinion on the controversy swirling over a murder cover-up, or whether Sandra was suffering from depression. I don’t know enough, and the more I read about this story, the sadder I get. Then I saw the footage of the actual arrest.

The video begins with the end of a different traffic stop–the officer’s giving a warning to some Sophomore at the university. Very cheery. We don’t know the race of that student, but s/he was obviously playing by the officer’s rules.

The very next stop is Sandra. She’s Black. She’s from out of state. She’s annoyed at being stopped. And for whatever reason, Officer Brian Encinia escalates the situation into a power struggle. Watching the result is like watching a train wreck in slow-motion, except that train wrecks are accidental.

Classic tragedy always contains a grain of irony to bitter up the taste a little. Here’s that grain: this video from “Sandy Speaks,” Sandra Bland’s Facebook page, in which she addresses the reason #BlackLivesMatter is a slogan with meaning far more powerful than simply saying All Lives Matter.

I’m not calling Sandra Bland a hero, even if others are. What makes her story so horrifying to me is that she’s just trying to be a normal, strong, Black woman. And apparently in our country, “normal,” “strong” and “Black” are enough to get you violently arrested. What happened to Sandra does NOT happen to normal, strong White people.

“Sandy Speaks” is right. Until we’re ALL ready to stand on a corner holding up a sign that says Black Lives Matter, then, in this country, all lives do NOT matter equally. Consider this my sign.

Red in Tooth and Claw and Paralysis

Posted on July 23, 2015 by gretchenwing

Feel the need for an empathy workout? Think of one of the most horrifying creatures you can imagine–GIANT SPIDER!!! Got that? Good. Now try feeling sorry for it.

Having trouble? Don’t worry. My son the naturalist will help you get there. Read on.

Pura Vida Stories

Nature is not a friendly place. Life is often nasty, brutish, and short, and death is no picnic either. There are some truly sadistic ways animals have dreamed up to dispatch and consume each other. Most fish swallow each other whole, leaving the prey to suffocate in a sack of stomach acid. Spiders immobilize their prey in webs and make them hang there, helpless and dreading, until they decide to liquefy them from the inside. But even spiders deserve some pity for what can befall them.

Hold on to your stomachs, folks. This is about to get national geo-graphic.

Pictured above is a tarantula hawk wasp. The unfortunate critter nearby is a tarantula. The spider has been stung and paralyzed by the wasp, and can’t move much more than a groggy twitch. The wasp is currently excavating a burrow in which she will drag the tarantula, safe from the prying…

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Out of Ashes, Hope: US Muslims Support Black Churches

Posted on July 19, 2015 by gretchenwing

The day after the Charleston Church Massacre, my personal media hero, Jon Stewart of The Daily Show, was unable to tell a joke. He spent the opening of his show expressing his grief, and also his soul-sickness at the inability of the U.S. to “heal this racial wound,” or even to acknowledge its existence. (That’s why he’s my hero.)

It’s Jon Stewart’s job to rub Americans’ noses in painful truths. Since I couldn’t possibly improve on that job, I’ve taken on a different, but related assignment: to highlight small signs of improvement wherever I can find them.

This week’s sign of hope comes courtesy of Al-Jazeera, which published an article last week detailing how a coalition of U.S. Muslim groups has been spending Ramadan fund-raising to rebuild Black churches victimized by arson:

The coalition — which consists of U.S. organizations Muslim Anti-Racism Collaborative and the Arab American Association of New York as well as digital startup Ummah Wide — has so far raised over $23,000 in five days. After the campaign ends on July 18, the money will be given to pastors of the burned churches that need it most, the groups said.

Like black communities in the United States, the coalition wrote, American Muslims are also vulnerable to intimidation, though not to the same extent as African-Americans.

“The American Muslim community cannot claim to have experienced anything close to the systematic and institutionalized racism and racist violence that has been visited upon African-Americans,” organizer Imam Zaid Shakir wrote on the campaign’s website.

However, Muslims can understand the “climate of racially inspired hate and bigotry that is being reignited in this country,” he wrote, saying the American Muslim community should stand in solidarity with African-Americans.

Racism, bigotry and violence are not going away any time soon. Blessings be upon those who stand up to them by reaching out like this. I don’t know any of these people, but I take comfort, for myself and for my country, in their existence.

Weekly Housekeeping Tip: Choose Your Partner Wisely

Posted on July 15, 2015 by gretchenwing

I fell off my bike last weekend and now my kitchen’s a mess.

No, I was not riding in my kitchen–luckily; that would’ve made for an even crunchier fall than the one I took. But to help you see the connection between the two events, here are some Wing facts:

My Mate is primary kitchen-cleaner (as I am primary cook).
His method of cleaning involves descending to his knees to scrub a different section of kitchen floor or cabinet each day (a constant, slo-mo kind of deep cleaning–incredibly effective)
After taking me to the doctor after my bike crash, the Mate had to go off-island (or, as we say here, “to America”) for a couple of days.
Thanks to said crash, I cannot currently bend down. Certainly not to my knees.
I do, however, continue to prepare food for myself and guests. Therefore…
My kitchen’s a mess.

(Courtesy Cathy Thorne, everydaypeoplecartoons.com), via Pinterest

Don’t get me wrong–I’ve always appreciated the Mate’s approach to housekeeping. But now that I can’t even weakly emulate it, I long for it deeply. When he gets back, I think I’ll greet him in a negligee made of damp dishrag.

So this counts as both celebration of marriage/partnership, and housekeeping advice: Find yourself a partner who cleans the way my Mate does, and hang onto him/her for dear life! (Or just add an egg to your floor.)

Nine Mile Pond: #atozchallenge, Day 16

Posted on July 12, 2015 by gretchenwing

With my parents’ 60th anniversary recently celebrated and the usual summer slew of wedding announcements appearing on facebook and in our mailbox, I’ve been thinking about marriage…but really, I just wanted an excuse to reblog this excellent post by my writer friend Shan Jeniah Burton. Two people canoeing through a swamp, a metaphor for marriage? Tell me more! Shan was taking part in something called the “A to Z Challenge” at the time, blogging on a different letter of the alphabet each day. I think ANYONE in a relationship, whether married or not, will enjoy her take on the letter “N.” Take it away, SJ!

Shan Jeniah's Lovely Chaos

Ever have a really bad day? How about one you could easily have prevented, if you’d only known how? One that might have been glorious, if you’d made other choices?

On Day 1, waaay back at A, I wrote about two of my most interesting alligator encounters, including the time my Accomplice and I hit one with a canoe, because we mistook it for a piece of driftwood.

Today, you get to hear about our first time canoeing on Nine Mile Pond, and the lesson learned along the way.

Okay. You’ll need your life vest for this journey. All set? Then set your paddle to the water, stroking in a “J” pattern (there’s the alphabet again!), and finding a rhythm with your companion in the back of the canoe –

Which turns out to be a lot trickier, and maybe even impossible, if you happen to be having…

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Celebrating Strength and Commitment: ESPN’s Body Issue is Back

Posted on July 8, 2015 by gretchenwing

I’ve said it before: I LOVE ESPN Magazine’s Body Issue. It’s everything that Sports Illustrated turned its back on when it decided to devote a monthly issue to Playboy-esque models in teaser swimsuits. Ugh, just thinking about that issue makes me mad. It always makes me mad when people KNOW BETTER.

But ESPN celebrates ATHLETES. And not just model-y, skinny-looking ones like swimmer Natalie Coughlin, basketball player Brittney Griner or last year’s cover woman and World Cup Champion goalie, Hope Solo. This issue celebrates beauty in STRENGTH.

This picture sums up my point, I think:

The hammer thrower is Amanda Bingson. The Photographer is Peter Hapak for ESPN The Magazine, and I’m hoping he won’t sue a humble blogger like me for drawing attention to his work without asking permission. You’re awesome, Mr. Hapak! So are you, Ms. Bingson.

Come to think of it, why don’t I quit while I’m ahead here. In this week when America basks in the glow of its World Cup championship, it’s appropriate to take a moment to sit back in awe of the vehicle and canvas of an athlete’s art: her body. Go to ESPN’s Body Issue and see what I mean.

Happy Independence Day! God Bless America. Now, If You’ll Excuse Me…

Posted on June 30, 2015 by gretchenwing

You know that feeling in the swimming pool when you take a deep breath to fill your lungs enough to swim underwater to the far end of the pool?

Right now, that “pool” = Fourth of July Week. The “swimmers” are me and my cohorts at Holly B’s Bakery (where “Holly’s Buns Are Best”). And that “deep breath”? That’s this blog post. My way of saying Happy Fourth! and I’ll see you in a week.

For those of you new to Wing’s World, here are some pix I posted a year ago showing the ~~mayhem~~ pre-Fourth prep in our tiny bakery world:

On a normal July Saturday we’ll sell 120 croissants. On the Fourth, it’ll be nearly three times that. We’ve been making and freezing croissant dough every day for the past two weeks.

Did I say 15 pans, last year? Make that 21. Who knows what it’ll be this year, now that Lopez Island has made National Geographic’s Top 40 Places list? (#6, yet. Yup. Here they come.)

In order to get all this food out by the time we open @ 7 on July 4 and not instantly sell out, we bakers will be starting at 2 am. Am I going to ride my bike in to work that morning? Yes I am–but from the house of a friend who lives half a mile away. Hey, I’m dedicated, not STUPID.

Because, as on most lovely ocean-y spots, those of us who live here will all be hosting family and friends this weekend. Of course we will! It’s how it ought to be. And I can’t wait to be doing this:

Croissants? Meh. Pass me another s’more!

and this…

My bakery doesn’t make pies. All the more reason for me to make ’em at home!

at home, in between bakery shifts.

I will be one happy, tired, but HAPPY puppy. Finishing Chapter 13 of my next book? Won’t be happening. Selling Books 1 and 2 at the Lopez Farmers Market? Nope–not till later this month. And one more thing I won’t be doing, in the upcoming underwater swim through a pool of love & butter–blogging. I’ll catch y’all next week.